Archives for category: Baby Loss

I miss her. And some days I miss her a little bit more than others. It’s that time of year when I feel that our family is missing someone more acutely than I feel it at other times. I still enjoy the summer as much as anyone but some things are always tinged with sadness. When I sense that our daughter craves the company of another child or when I think, just fleetingly, about how Tilly would be now and what she would be like.

It’s also a time of year when you seem to strike up more conversations with people (maybe that’s just me), in queues, sat in fields, over a glass of something or lunch where it’s crowded. Often conversations come around to children or jobs. Is she your only one? Why did you decide to become a midwife? Often, I fib, or skirt around the answer. Babies dying is not really the thing to talk about in polite company is it? Maybe this is part of the British sensibility? That we only talk about what is deemed appropriate, but maybe this is what makes loosing a child harder in the long term. That we become self conscious about it, we don’t want to make someone else feel uncomfortable. Maybe we should talk about it. So it doesn’t feel like a dark little secret. Sometimes this is what makes it more upsetting, that fact that once you’ve lost a child you worry more about upsetting others than your own grief.

As September approaches I hear the conversations of the mum’s whose children will be starting school in September, how their babies are all  grown up. Sometimes they are friends who I think might remember that my baby would be going to school too, in her tiny uniform, lined up with their beautiful children. Tilly’s first milestone. But my baby never grew up. And sometimes I wish that someone else might remember that too.


I didn’t want to put this together with my first post today but I think it is amazing that we have way surpassed the initial £2000 target. So, I think that we can aim to raise £3500. What do you think? If you think we can do this,then please like this post on FaceBook. If I get more than 25 likes then I will go back to Tilly page on just giving and increase the total.

Again, thank you everyone for all you support. Jennie and Paula raised an amazing £467 for their sponsored weight loss!

On Saturday the 22nd of September Tilly would have been 6 months old. I will think of the picnic that I had in the gardens at Hampton Court and the excitement of meeting our beautiful girlnfornthe first time before I allow myself to dwell on the painful events that followed. You know, people tell me how brave I am and how amazing I am doing and I think about a couple things. I think I will never have got through the last six months without my family and friends and of course Russ. Also, and I think that this is really a mindset that has kept me going, the alternative route is not an option. No amount of moping around, self pity, alcohol, aggression or anger will bring Tilly back. I have still have to be ‘Mummy’ for Darcy, my friends still need me when they are having bad days, Russ still needs me to be here to support him and I still need to be the best person I can be. Now, I am not saying that I can do this all the time but I owe to everyone who supports me to try. And I do. Every day.

Well, it’s gone a bit quiet for a week or two while we recover from the toddle…especially Joseph with his 5 laps! Just thought I would write a few lines on what’s happening at the moment.

Well, the running total currently stands at £1740.40! That’s amazing, so thank you for all your support. There will be more opportunities to donate over the next few months or you can make a donation through

I’d like to thank a couple of Sian’s friends who have donated, KellyBees Tagees donated 50p from every Tagees that was order for the week after the toddle and raised £16. And another friend is having a ‘Pampered Chef’ party to raise money in November. It seems my cause has touched lots of hearts.

I am still waiting to hear from my cousin Jennie on how much she raised along with her friend, they lost an amazing 17lbs each in their sponsored weight loss and Jennie looks amazing!

Mum & Dad are in Ireland with the campervan but will pulling together the recipe book, which you will be able to buy, on their return. It will Probably be available from early November.

Matt’s birthday party will be our next event, we’re doing a few things to raise money at this. I am still looking for Raffle prizes so any donations great fully received. Matthew party will also raise money for the neo natal intensive care unit at Musgrove, where Mia spent two weeks when she was born and had Strep B.

Hopefully by the beginning of November we will be back living in Somerset so my training runs will be through the rolling country side…

Well, what a fab day we had on Saturday! It was emotional for me, but what amazing support from family and friends. Sian was the day’s organiser extrordinaire with lots of people mucking in to help out. Graham & Pauline Parsons did a stirling job running the cake stall and kept people in tea and coffee all day. The cakes were all donated, and most will appear in ‘Tilly’s Treats’, the recipe book that my folks are compiling and will be sold to help raise more money. There was also a sweep stake on how long the marathon relay would take and a guess the number of sweeties in the tub.

The day started with my lap (which I roped Russ in to running with me) and we went from there. The oldest runner was over 70 and the youngest just a month old. Admittedly ‘running’ was a loose description for some of the laps but what a fantastic effort from everyone. The kids all got little goody bags and a certificate, none more deservedly so that Joseph (my super speedy nephew) who did five laps in total! He is only five. Darcy (Tilly’s sister) even managed her lap and ran some of the way. Darcy is three, and for those of you who don’t know her to walk a mile in less than about three hours is quite an achievement! She even asked if we could take the car when I first told her about the sponsored mile, but she knew she was doing it for ‘Tilly’s place’.

The sun shone on us all day and through donations, sponsorship, cake sales, the sweep stake & the sweeties we collected nearly £650 on the day. In addition to this donations and sponsorship have been going really well through Just Giving and so far we have a grand total of £1,468.70 nearly 75% of my target. Amazing! We covered a total of 79 miles and (lots of people doubling up and extras on the day) the 26.2 laps took a total of 5 hours and 15 minutes.

So what’s next? Well first up I think I might have to increase my target, then we have the recipe book to come and our fundraising night for family and friends in November. Jennie & her friend Paula have finished their sponsored weight loss so I’ll update everyone on that soon. Auntie Gerry will be running a craft stall at the church fare where Tilly is buried and there will be lots more going on too. Any suggestions for the new target…?


Later in the week I’ll do a full post on the toddle yesterday but I just wanted t let people know that we had a lovely day and collected nearly £650 which is amazing, this coupled with what has already been donated true Facebook brings the total to over £1300.

I want to thank everyone for being so supportive and really getting into the spirit of things.

Over the next few days I will get some more pictures and let you know more about what went on, needless to say Tilly would have been proud!

The sun was shining today for ‘Tilly’s Toddle’! I will update and upload some pictures soon.

So, we are good to go for Saturday, we’ve got runners, walker, toddlers and (according to Auntie Gerry) waddlers! We are hoping that the rain will hold off and we can enjoy the picnic and cakes as the kids do their stuff (and some of us grown ups too).
Today Darcy and I went to St.George’s fundraising department (along with my friend Nicky who can for moral support) and met the lovely Maribel who gave us a few goodies and some more tins to rattle so bring your pennies! Although it was difficult going back, it made me think of the AMAZING work that the staff on PICU do and why we are doing what we are doing .
Even if you are not joining in, please come along and show your support for the kids and the hospital. One thing that Tilly being in hospital bought home to me was that we take these types of services for granted and don’t really appreciate the incredible work that goes on behind closed doors, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.


So with Tilly’s Toddle just two weeks away our fundraising should get off to a good start. I think that the picnic will also be an oppotunity to get together and remember Tilly. I think our angel baby will be watching over us and be proud of what we’re doing.

If you would still like to get involved please get in touch, I think we still need a few more mile volunteers. Sian is going to try to persuade the Mayor to do a lap but the more kids we can get the better!

Any cake donations welcome please. Pauline Parson’s has kindly offered (!!!???) to be in charge of cake sales.

Keep in touch 🙂


On the 1st of September, at Ilminster recreation ground, Sian will be hosting Tilly’s Toddle. A relay marathon run, walked or toddled by our family and friends. We will also be having a cake sale, face painting and a picnic!

If you would like to join in the toddle with your little one, just let me know and we can add you to the list and I will e-mail you a sponsor form or you can just join us or the picnic and buy a slice of yummy cake. We are hoping to get people to bake the recipes they have put forward for our recipe book.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed for a sunny day & hope that I can run my mile!