Tonight I lit a candle to remember Tilly, and all the other babies that were stillborn or too poorly to survive. This week has been Baby Loss Awareness week, aiming to raise awareness of a topic that is still very much taboo. No one likes to talk about dead babies. In fact no one likes to imagine that it’s something that would ever happen to them, I never considered it was something that would happen to me. It happens. Everyday. For those of us that have lost one of those babies, we want to talk about it sometimes. We think about it everyday, and everyday we are still adjusting to our ‘new normal’, our life where someone is missing. I think about what Tilly would be doing now, how her and Darcy would be together, how our life would be different than it is now. I also know that her short time here has changed my path forever.

Midwifery. If you’d asked me 4 years ago, I would never have thought I’d be training o be a midwife and now here I am. During this week I have been caring for women who are expecting babies. The irony is not lost on me. But I don’t feel envious of them. I find strength in that fact that every day little miracles are happening. The midwives I have mentoring me are incredible women, who really invest in the women they are caring for, they want to support women and empower them. Sometimes midwifery is a magical place to be, sometimes it is sad and painful, but I want to use my own experience to support women in those devastating times as well as the magical times. Whilst I won’t share my experience with them, I know that it will get easier, the tears and the pain will lessen and I will hope that I can share my strength with them.

Light your candle.