As I begin to enjoy the summer weather there is a bitter sweetness that won’t leave me. I noticed it a few weeks ago when I took Darcy to Lyme Regis, just the two of us. Darcy found a friend, as she always does where ever we go, and was happily playing in the waves. Darcy’s new friend had a baby brother, maybe 13 months old who was sat on the sand and enjoying all the new and exciting sensations that a first trip to the beach brings. Then I felt it. The acute sense of loss. The feeling that is so painful that it’s as if it was just yesterday that we lost Tilly. You see, that thing about loosing a baby, the loss of what should have been. At the back of my mind constantly, the feeling of what should be. Would Tilly like the sea? The sand? What would she be doing now? This feeling, I think, will last forever.

This week, a trip to the seaside with friends. A lovely day. Tinged with a little bit of sadness that will go unnoticed. This week though I enjoy sharing the time with a friend and her lovely daughter. Seeing Darcy with her friend, playing in the sand. Knowing that I will make more effort to ensure that Darcy doesn’t miss out on having the company of other children, even if she is missing out on creating memories with her sister.

Please remember, if you know anyone who has lost a baby, a child or anyone close: Sometimes it’s as if it was just yesterday.

Advertisements