Sometimes is easy for me to think that everyone else has forgoten about Tilly, and I sometimes think that perhaps Russ never gives her a second thought. This weekend I have spent catching up with friends and family who I don’t see often, and I have discovered that its simply not the case. I think that in my heart, I know that it’s not really the case but sometimes I can still feel very isolated.

The more I talk to people, the more I realise that they are more worried about upsetting me than anything else or they are concerned about being upset themselves and then my being concerned about them. And that was something I noticed in the first few months after loosing Tilly, if I told someone what had happened, I often ended up apologising for upsetting them! So many people walking on egg shells around me, and me walking on egg shells around other people, what a strange nationality we are. Consider those nationalities that openly display their grief publicly and then consider me, an English girl, apologising because my baby had died. I think we could learn a great deal from other nations. And, do you know what, sometimes it okay if the you cry because I need someone to cry with. Oh, and if you have wine and chocolate, all the better!

I have passed some big mile stones lately and Russ and I are making some big decisions about our future. We can never have our baby girl back and we are now really seriously considering where this leaves us. Darcy is off to school in September and it will be then that I think I will feel that gaping hole that has been left in my heart open up once again and so as I move forward I am deciding what my future holds…

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